Last Monday if you had been a fly on the wall, you would’ve seen what a wreck I was.
Crumpled over, crying in the shower (I do my best crying then…anyone else?!!), I had decided I should cancel the Made to Crave study I was supposed to hold at my house on Tuesday.
I was literally sick to my stomach.
“What in the world was I thinking when I decided to do this? I don’t want to talk about my food issues.”
The next day was Tuesday. It was absolutely terrible. (Ever read Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day? Yeah…that kind of day.)
I yelled at my daughter. She yelled back. I yelled more.
I ate chocolate.
I hid in my room and cried.
And all I felt was shame.
I spent the hour before the study on my knees-begging, begging, begging for the Lord to come through. There was absolutely no way I could do this on my own. You probably don’t know this, but I’m pretty quiet by nature–fairly reserved until I get to know you–and definitely not one to put myself out as a leader.
But I’m learning that God pushes us to do the things we think we can’t do, so that His power is made perfect in our weakness.
I definitely felt weak.
But I didn’t cancel it–and amazingly, ten ladies showed up that night!!
I fumbled with words and felt like crying through most of it…but I knew God was moving and speaking through the whole hour-and-a-half we were together. I was completely blessed by these lovely ladies and how they shared their hearts with me.
Even more than that, I felt called to share some of what I’m learning through this six-week study with you.
Honestly, I don’t want to write these posts. I don’t want to talk about food issues. I don’t want to put my thoughts and feelings out on the line. I’ve been known to write about difficult things–my postpartum depression, my dad’s death, my thoughts on homeschooling–but this feels totally different.
I told my husband the other night, “This is the thorn in my flesh. This is my battle.”
It’s raw. It’s not pretty. It definitely doesn’t seem to belong on a frugal living blog.
But somehow, I know it’s what I’m supposed to write about. Somewhere, there is someone struggling with this very issue–and maybe it’s someone you know.
Maybe it’s even you.
Each week, I’ll be sharing a little bit of what I’m learning through this Made to Crave study. As the blog has grown quite a bit over the past few months, I’m kind of hesitant to post this series–realizing that it doesn’t exactly seem like it fits on a frugal living blog. Feel free to skip it and move onto the next deal or kids activity if it isn’t for you! But because part of my mission is to provide “inspiration for the well-spent life” and there are things that get in the way of living well (including various issues like these), I will be broaching some spiritual topics on the blog for as long as God allows me to write here! I’ll continue to write kids posts and the other things you’ve come to expect from my blog, but this will be a weekly post while the study is going on!
Find all the posts in the Made to Crave series:
- Made to Crave: Week 1
- Made to Crave: Week 2
- Made to Crave: Week 3
- Made to Crave: Week 4
- Made to Crave: Week 5